There are probably as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually late people. The Psychology of Being “Over” COVID-19. Unless you present a very good excuse for being late, preferably something that is out of your control (e.g. As we have seen, being late, especially egregiously or repeatedly late, sends out the message, “I am more important than you”. Often, we keep ourselves as busy as possible so as not to be left alone with our deepest thoughts and feelings, which is, of course, highly counterproductive in the short, medium, and long term. There are as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually tardy people – and the underlying reasons can be complex. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Late is when people start getting annoyed. It could be that they don’t value themselves enough. This is because multitasking makes it harder to have metacognition, or awareness of what you're doing, as Drake Baer reports for Business Insider.. But people who are chronically late often don’t have diabolical motives behind their actions. I chose to take responsibility for managing my time effectively so that I would arrive on time. Of course, no one bears a grudge if you are just five minutes late, which is why the 'Oxford time' excuse is a bit of a joke. Some people just don't like to be early. I used that gut-wrenching feeling of shame when my lateness interrupted the lecturers flow and drew away the attention of my seated peers as I squeezed past their knees to get to that one spare seat at the back of the room. 5 minutes OK , 8 not so much. Great information. Being late can be a symptom of mild or even more serious psychological problems — worth thinking about if you or someone you know is habitually more than a few minutes late. Once I'm on my way I'm not so stressed. Making a group of strangers wait for 8 minutes to start a boating excursion is not acceptable. You sound like you decided to read this article with the hopes it might offer you some personal insight and suggestions on how you might improve yourself but instead you go an article that left you feeling demonised, worse about your condition and with no means of improvement. Even though most of us know this, some people are always late, no matter how much time they have to get ready. Salespeople live by the clock. There are probably as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually late people. In the context of psychotherapy, such behaviors suggest that the analysand is close to recalling repressed material but fearful of the consequences. Late people often have a sunny outlook. Or have we? Gestalt psychology takes a holistic view of an individual and his experiences. One client remembered that his mother always spent so long in the bathroom that she made him late for school. Punctual people may believe that late people are passive-aggressive. Oct 11, 2019 - Chronically late people don't mean any harm. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. While highly strung, achievement oriented Type A individuals are more likely to be punctual, Type B individuals, who are more laid-back, are later. Why not just be respectfully and sincerely on time, or a few minute early? I ought to point out that being late is not necessarily unhealthy or pathological. So I make it very clear in the event description that we meet, discuss our plans, and leave 5-10 minutes afterward to begin the event. Neel Burton is author of Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions and other books. The Consequences of Being Late. I have no idea who in the group has hired a sitter or is scheduled to do something later. Thus, a person may be late because he feels inferior or unimportant, and being late is a way for him to impose himself on a situation, attract maximal attention, and even take control of proceedings. I have to factor in eventualities that could make me late, i.e. The Psychology of Being Late. Some involve anger and aggression, and others self-deception. But if we don’t change gear in time when someone is waiting for us, we are in danger of being judged as selfish. And yet punctual people feel that they know that late people could decide to … By Jane C. Hu. But some clients are perpetually late – perhaps just five or 10 minutes, but always – and out of breath when they get to the door. Lateness can also be caused when we have a reluctance to change gear – to end one activity and start another. Some late people will pass it off as a symptom of being big-thinking and concerned with loftier matters than time-keeping, as an endearing quirk, a … The three most common words are … Sometimes, one of my psychotherapy clients will be late. Almost every event I'll get an email later from somebody that I don't know saying: "I showed up 30 minutes after the start time, why didn't you wait for me? In many social situations, I am often exactly eight minutes late. It can happen at any age, but most people retire in late adulthood, or the time of life after age 65. I fought hard to interrupt the pattern of being 15+ minutes late to my lectures at university, particularly as a post-graduate student who could reasonably be expected to self-manage better. Being late insults others, but it also undermines the person who is late, because it may betray a lack of intelligence, self-knowledge, will power, or empathy. There may be 5 people, there might be 100 participating. If you are used to being late to family gatherings or events, for example, and it is not looked down upon, it may be hard to understand why being late for a non-family gathering is a big deal. I certainly didn't want to be seen in that light. "Lateness is really a commonly misunderstood problem," says Diana DeLonzor, author of Never Be Late Again, who has conducted her own research on the perpetually tardy. I procrastinate about getting ready. Some people just don't like to be early. The consequences of being chronically late run deeper than many people realize, according to psychologist Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears. I have the opposite problem -- I'm pathologically early, and often arrive places too s Perhaps it is an unconscious testing of the theory: “If I were a worthy person, the train would wait for me.” Since it doesn’t, the feeling of not mattering is reinforced. “The tube got stuck; I do apologise.” If it happens once, I don’t treat it as significant. “He Had High Self-Esteem and Didn’t Ask Who I’d Slept With”, How to Know When Your Relationship Is Over, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Covid-19 Pandemic Measures and Substance Abuse, The Rise of COVID-19 Vaccine Selfies on Social Media, Eating Disorders in Gender-Expansive Individuals, Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions, 10 Signs You're in a Relationship With a Passive-Aggressive, 5 Ways to Deal with Passive Aggressive People, Dealing with Passive-Aggressives Without Losing Your Mind, Answers to Your Questions About Passive-Aggressiveness, 6 Telltale Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior, The Angry Smile: Responding to Passive Aggressive Behavior, The Real Reason Some of Us Are Chronically Late. Neel Burton, M.D., is a psychiatrist, philosopher, and writer who lives and teaches in Oxford, England. Here's what makes people who are always late tick, and how punctual people can understand them better. Then I am curious about what is behind their pattern of lateness, what it means and what purpose it serves. This explanation may work for social situations, but why miss planes, boats and trains? Nice try though. So, we’ve solved the mystery of the Good Samaritan! At the core of chronic lateness are often issues of self-worth. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? For instance, it may be that the person who is late has set unrealistic goals and overscheduled his day, or underestimated the time that it takes to travel from one place to another. It makes it all so much easier for everyone involved and no one look like a passive aggressive human. As the author indicates, I reflected on the message of disrespect for others time and commitments. I do not think this article has looked at the topic from enough view points to speak about it in such a matter of fact way. Verified by Psychology Today. Psychology of Being Late (Quickly Ideas 2020) Leave a Comment / Psychiatry Science / By John Gundes / July 12, 2020 July 12, 2020 “I’m always late everywhere”. “The tube got stuck; I do apologise.” If it happens once, I don’t treat it as significant. My book editor and I often have lunch in a cafe next door to her office and she is always seven minutes late, because she leaves at 1pm. It is particularly rude to be late to a formal or important occasion such as a wedding or funeral, or one involving many parts and precise timings such as an elaborate dinner party or civic event. Psychology should attempt to understand and help people. Gestalt psychology was very influential in Europe. Why? I met with a potential new CEO executive coaching client a few months ago. 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